I wasn't sure how I would feel.
My first birthday with no contact with my mother. I knew it would be different. I didn't know exactly what different would feel like until I was inside it.
It's complex, the way everything involving her has always been complex. What I didn't expect was to feel a sadness for her. Not for what she did or didn't do. For what will never be. For how she will never understand why this happened or what it cost.
